Here or There, Now and Then

by Magnolia.

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about

Recorded in 2016 at The Kaleidoscope in Lancaster, PA

credits

released May 25, 2017

Lyrics by: M. Ludewig & L. Reilling
Written and Preformed by: Magnolia.
Engineered and Mixed by: Ben Roth
Mastered by: redscaremedia.net

Art by Billy Gartell

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Magnolia. Lancaster, Pennsylvania

Max Ludewig
Alex McFarland
Logan Reilling
John Supnik

contact / help

Contact Magnolia.

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Track Name: Sales Assistant
Undeniable selfishness is all that you know and even now you still don’t have a clue.
That the only thing around your neck should be a noose.

Shed me like cicada shells, leave me where I lay.
Track Name: The Desire to Care (Less About Things)
You ripped out my heart only after I broke yours.
You’re the only one that can save me from my thoughts and now you're gone.
It's easy to say things aren’t what they are. But after a while everyone starts to notice.

I’m waiting in a box at the bottom of a river.
I’m waiting for you to get me out and this riverbed has never been this dark before.
Will I drown before you save me?

Trust me darling,
the god you can't find isn't the saving type.
Calling out for anything but bone chilling silence.
I don't know, maybe I'm just afraid of what I can’t see, but maybe your dad will finally
start listening to you after years of silence.
I just want to know you're in the room I left you.


You’re so stuck in your own head.
I’m in shambles.
Track Name: Sixteen Degrees
With words so softly mumbled underneath.
Cloud covered breath like smoke from a chimney.
Frostbitten fingers forgetting gloves.
Ice cold eyes can't even look up.
Sixteen degrees.
Water soaked shoes.
Can hardly even breathe.
The coldest day on record and you're outside.

It’s sixteen below.
You're freezing cold.
I miss the kiss of Autumn winds.
I miss the feeling of my skin.
Track Name: Stars on the Ceiling
Reflections in a picture.
Hallway light seeping in.

Just stare at stars on the ceiling.

Closed eyes.
Listen to the rain.
Coming down on the roof.
The storm shook the whole house that night.

You said you had to go home.
I just wish you didn’t leave me alone.
Track Name: Revonsou
I have the secret to being alone night after night.

Please, whisper your fears and drown out the silence.
It all seems too real, like too much of the same.
A recurring dream clawing at my wrists.
There are no words to explain myself.
A fraction of a life, worn out.
The demons you played with still haunt me inconsistently.

Talking to you is like staring at the sun.
It hurts but it helps to calm me down.

An addictive tendency turns into a personality

Maybe someday I’ll be known by my spot on your mantle.
(I am the night sky)
Stop and ask yourself, why do I scare you.
I don’t want to hide behind my eyelids.
Afraid of the monsters that are all too real.
Track Name: Tired of You
I swept disquietude underneath my bed
An attempt to feel less overwhelmed.
I'm optimistic, I swear.
I feel like nobody else.
I can't help but look & stare
And take notes for myself
I want to be my own support.
The chain that swings me back and forth
Watch as I rust and break.
God knows you’re not only ok,
You’re better in every possible way.
I feel just like a waste of space.
All I do is worry all day.
Caring was my mistake to make.

I’ll keep it bottled up until I spill over.
The lights will flicker and I’ll fall to my knees
In the only city I can open up to.
I can see my sky falling whenever I look up

I swept confidence underneath my bed.
With hope I can be burdened too.
I hope your glass heart can beat calmly,
with your hands over top of your face.
You dance frantically,
but no one else can move
My bones creak like your old swing set
"Do you ever talk and it hurts your own ears?"
Yeah, every time I spoke with you.

I’ll keep it bottled up until I spill over.
The lights will flicker and I’ll fall to my knees
In the only city I can open up to.
It’s easier to stay quiet
Then to talk over the leaves.

Countless attempts at being special.
I live for your constant praise,
But I know I’ll never be close to good enough.
I want the attention I fear so intensely,
the worst thing you can say to me is good job.
I hate and crave all of this.
All I do is try.

With fingers crossed,
these eyes stare down.
This heat is overwhelming
and I can’t see.
Blood stained fingernails.
My chest hurts.
Caring more than ever about you.
I just want to be more than you.
I just want to be half as good.
Track Name: Curtains of Snow
Older and older the weight on our shoulders is bringing us to our knees.
Hope is for liars and faith is for thieves but we’re just like these dying trees.
As their leaves change their colors so do we.
Track Name: My Secrets
Older and older the weight on our shoulders is bringing us to our knees.
Hope is for liars and faith is for thieves but we’re just like these dying trees.

Mother and father I’m sorry I’ve failed you but I’m just so caught in my head.
You seem so busy and I seem so tired but I’ll keep it secret I swear.

Older and older the weight on our shoulders is bringing us to our knees.
Hope is for liars and faith is for thieves but we’re just like these dying trees.

Brother and sister it seems like I missed you but I’ll see you when you come home.
If you come home.
Track Name: G.A.R.G.
Have you finally found a place as pretentious as you are?
Buy alcohol for kids half your age
so they can grow up to be just like their parents.
Keep Portland weird
and stay the hell away from the real City of Roses.

Your lungs are collapsing with every breath.
I am the smog that coats this night sky.
The acid in your stomach is eating you alive.
Fuck you and Rip City

I moved to Portland when you said you loved me.
They have Blockbuster, I use my gift cards.
Live action Scooby-Doo wasn’t enough.
Bill Murray, Garfield
I fell in love.

Your lungs are collapsing with every breath.
I am the smog that coats this night sky.
The acid in your stomach is eating you alive.
Your lungs are collapsing with every breath.
I am the smog that coats this night sky.
The acid in your stomach is eating you alive.
Fuck you and Rip City
Track Name: Laurel Leaves
I’ve been forced to think
about how I’ll be spending the next 12 months.
Will it be alone in my room regretting the last year and a half
Or will I fucking grow up
and wear your laurel leaves with the sin of pride?
I can’t help but torment myself
on all I was afraid of.

Words and actions blur into 17 reasons to leave.

The person I use to be will live on forever in photographs.
As the image fades,
so will the ink on this page.
Becoming a memory erased.
Don’t hide your anger.
I don’t deserve that.
Track Name: Sink
I hardly knew you,
But you knew me better than most.
That's Hell’s Waiting Room,
that's the life you chose.
I never learned to be honest with myself,
but I'm sure you've heard that before.
You don't have to ask questions anymore.
Your answers lie behind a labyrinth of pen strokes
You don't have to worry about the person you'll become.
You're finally one of the lucky ones.

Strike a match on my palms.
Deeply inhale the sulfur
exhale oxygen, I swear to god it helps.
The most important performance of all,
yet you decided to show up well before roll call.
As the curtain rises, you'll forget your lines.
but you'll finally be met with the gaze of familiar eyes.
Until that moment, you're being held hostage by the hands of the clock.
Promise me you won't just sink into life.

Hear! They're now & then they're there.
Quite frightening. Yet, peacefully aware.

File down my fingertips
Expose the bone,
Oh so fragile.
Aid me in destroying every piece
One-by-one
I've done have the work for you.
Nothing can take away your Sunset.
Even at night, the light can be blinding.
Artificial,
but brighter than ever.
The only home you were never afraid of.
Have you ever wanted to be someone else
On days spent all alone in your house
And I’ve finally gone hollow
and I finally feel detached.
With every step and every breath that I take.
I get farther away from you.
Is this your swan song?